After 4 solid years of doing Weight Watchers and counting calories, I had lost 71 lb, then gained 40 back, and have lost another 20, for a total of 52 lb. While I am so proud of that number, I am still bummed that it’s taken so long and has been do difficult to lose and maintain. In addition to coping with having a chronic disease, I am a mom, a wife and employee. So in February I decided to look into Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) at Oregon Weight Loss Surgery (OWLS) with Dr. Emma Patterson. I had looked into my insurance (Cigna) and bariatric surgery is covered at 90%.
Okay, so I have been a bad blogger. It’s been way too long, I know. But I will get everyone caught up in the next couple weeks. I will say I am back, and I have been working really hard at losing the weight I had gained while dealing with the MS diagnosis. That diagnosis really fucked with me, I gained 40 lb back… Was near 300 lb again. When I saw the 299, I told myself “Hell NO, not again!” So In August, we joined VillaSport, there I began working out again, even tried a spin class. I have lost nearly 20 lb since joining, and guess what?!
I began the new year on Solu-Medrol for a relapse in my MS, and big plans… Those plans have taken a while to be put into action. I had begun 2014 with plans on taking back my life; my life I had before the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis in October. I wanted to lose the weight I had started to gain back. I wanted back into the gym. I wanted my damn motivation back!!!!!
Today marks 3 years into my weight loss journey. I have learned a lot while traveling this road, this bumpy, curvy, long, road. I have learned that it is okay to fall off the wagon, as long as you get back on as soon as you can. It’s good to know how to portion your meals for 1 person, not 3. It is good to exercise, and you might even like it! Speaking of exercise, the best trick is to find something you love to do, not loathe. For me it was Martial Arts: Taekwondo and Hapkido. I learned that the word diet is not a good word, lifestyle is the word to use. This is not something that will be a quick jaunt, it’s a stinking journey and a life long one at that.
So I have been waiting and waiting to get the OK to go on the Multiple Sclerosis medicine called Gilenya. I have since learned that getting on any of the MS drugs takes a long time (2-4 weeks on average-me lots longer), and it’s a red tape nightmare. This is the sequence of events that has pissed me off (this time):
1. Submitted Gilenya form on 11/6 (2 weeks late)
2. Doc’s assistant forgot to get actual prescription signed by Dr. had to fax it back in. 11/10
3. Was denied by insurance, insurance asked for questionnaire (appeal) to be filled out and sent back on 11/26
4. Insurance officially denied the medication on 12/4 due to never receiving the questionnaire.
5. Said questionnaire was faxed on 12/4
6. Saw Dr. Egan and ripped him and his assistant a new one for this all slipping through the cracks. He apologized and admitted it was wrong. GOOD! 🙂
Today I met with my Neurologist, Dr. Egan, to go over my MS diagnosis. I was able to see my MRI images, which were kind of cool, in a sick and twisted sort of way. 🙂 So here are the pictures of the images that were on the screen, hence why they look bad. But you can see a bunch of white spots, nothing that was glowing, showing an active lesion. But I am in remission right now so that explains it.
This week I’ve been spending time at the doctor due to the right side of my body being numb (think pins and needles, or Novocaine effects). I had this happen around Labor day and it took about 2 weeks to go away which sucked. I am numb from top of my head to toe. What was worse was that I was seeing double on the left. Um, not okay! So my Doc ordered a MRI of my brain to rule out MS, Stroke, TIA, brain lesion, etc. We are really hoping it’s just a pinched nerve. I missed a couple of my anxiety meds, which can cause the double vision, so getting better about taking at the same time at night has helped that symptom! So Wednesday I’ll be having a brain MRI to check. But I am praying it’s just a nerve that’s really pissed off.
For the last few weeks my right knee has been bugging me, as well as my hamstring. Last Monday I was working on laundry on the couch and when I stood up, I had a zinger! I lost my range of motion in my right knee, and what worried me (and Rob) the most was the dull ache/pain behind my knee (ACL location). So I called my Osteopath, Dr. Carter, and was able to be seen the next day. So I iced it in the mean time and waited until the following morning. I went in and she checked it out, knowing I’ve had issues with it before. Sometimes my left hip would rotate and just shorten my left leg enough to cause knee pain on the right.
After going to Weight Watchers a month ago, I had an epiphany. I realized why I have been so stuck and unmotivated to keep loosing the weight. Ready for my profound thought? I am AFRAID to loose the weight. Wait what?! Yes, afraid. For my entire life I’ve been heavy, fat, over weight, pudgy, rotund, portly, what have you. But when dad died six and half years ago from an apparent heart attack, I lost the closest person in my life (other than Rob). Dad was my go to person when I had a problem, needed an ear, or just wanted to chat for no real reason. It was easy, fun, and loving; and lots of meaningful conversations were around the dinner table. So what does Dad have to do with loosing weight? In short, a lot. I am afraid to loose the weight because I am afraid to loose this “last” connection to him. Now of course that’s not really true, but it feels that way. With this new “aha” moment occurring while I was in a meeting, I nearly was in tears. I finally figured out that it is OKAY to loose this weight. It’s OKAY to ask for help to get to the end goal.