After going to Weight Watchers a month ago, I had an epiphany. I realized why I have been so stuck and unmotivated to keep loosing the weight. Ready for my profound thought? I am AFRAID to loose the weight. Wait what?! Yes, afraid. For my entire life I’ve been heavy, fat, over weight, pudgy, rotund, portly, what have you. But when dad died six and half years ago from an apparent heart attack, I lost the closest person in my life (other than Rob). Dad was my go to person when I had a problem, needed an ear, or just wanted to chat for no real reason. It was easy, fun, and loving; and lots of meaningful conversations were around the dinner table. So what does Dad have to do with loosing weight? In short, a lot. I am afraid to loose the weight because I am afraid to loose this “last” connection to him. Now of course that’s not really true, but it feels that way. With this new “aha” moment occurring while I was in a meeting, I nearly was in tears. I finally figured out that it is OKAY to loose this weight. It’s OKAY to ask for help to get to the end goal.
With that in mind, I found Larry. Larry is my new therapist. He specializes in “Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a research-supported treatment which combines cognitive-behavioral theory and methods with Eastern meditative principles and practices…DBT addresses problems in regulating emotions, behavior, and thinking.” So Larry’s thinking/philosophy is to go from extremes to more middle ground, kind of like balancing the scales (think Justice scales). I’ve seen him 3-4 times, and we are finally getting off and running. I am tracking some various things at night, to help me be aware of what happened during the week. I track Esteem, Mood urges, Non-Mood behaviors, Healthy eating, exercise, and how I feel physically-internally. Most are rated on a scale of 0=none to 5=intense.
I have been officially diagnosed with Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). Basically that means I cannot be classified as either and Anorexic or Bulimic (duh!). I feel like a lot of people don’t get that being overweight by eating too much or emotionally eating is a real problem. And thankfully the DSM-IV classifies the rest of us, which is about 40%-60% of all people with Eating Disorders. For my treatment, I’ll be working on not emotionally eating, not looking at the scale for a way to see progress, learning about how to modify my behavior which might trigger eating or binge eating.
I also found a new Osteopath, Dr. Carter. She’s awesome! She was in the Air force studied Judo, TKD and Kung Fu. And she’s helping me with my hip, IT Band and lower back. I’ve seen her twice for adjustments, and today she did a Trigger Point Injection of saline into my hip (outer muscle). This will help the knot loosen up and maybe lessen the pain. I have to also ice my back and hips for 10-15 min a day. I need a huge ice pack! 🙂 But so far the TPI might have made some difference. If it’s still bugging me in two weeks, I go back. Works for me.
So far what I’ve done: I am not looking at the scale; weighing in every two weeks. Besides doing TKD twice a week, I am getting to the gym 3 times a week on Monday, Wednesday & Friday. This gives me 5 days of working out. Last week, I made it to the gym twice as well as TKD. 4/5 days for last week. On Monday this week, I sat at WW and decided to go back on the Points Plus program. So today is day 3 on WW P+ and I am feeling fine. I do need to go to the grocery store to get some fruit & veggies into the house, but for the most part I am making better choices. Yay me!
Coming up: Friday is weigh in day and gym time. This weekend will be a challenge for dinners since part of the Wark family is coming into town. We’ll be going to Ringside on Saturday Night and then a BBQ at home Sunday night, plus celebrating Pat’s birthday.